It’s not even 7 a.m. yet, and I already feel like I’ve dealt with some of the worst parts of the day. I struggled through my journal pages (some days they go well, some days not so well, but it’s the discipline of doing them that counts, right?). I’m printing some stuff that is taking forever, so I have seized the opportunity to tidy up the space around me. I was trying to decide yesterday if the mess was a good sign of creative busy-ness or a bad sign of procrastination and avoidance; yes, it must be a sign of something because if it isn’t, my entire worldview falls apart. Whatever it was, tidying it up gave me a sense of virtue and an opportunity to fix some very old problems.
Once upon a time, I was young and naïve (not to say “incredibly stupid”). I spent years as a stay-at-home mom. It was a good decision in every respect except one: I was totally dependent on my husband and the success of his business. When the business went down, disaster came upon us. We narrowly avoided bankruptcy thanks to a series of miracles and the help of family, but my credit was a wreck. I thought everything was cleared up, but there was one lingering credit card company that believed I still owed them money. I don’t think I actually do. The problem is that I can’t prove it. Any sentence that involves my ex and banks will have a nasty verb in it. Any sentence linking him with organizational skills must be fiction. So I am choosing to accept the latest settlement offer that came in the mail. I am transferring the money from one account to another today and will write and mail the check tomorrow. Then I can look at my credit report without fear and trembling, I hope.
I have the same good feeling I get from taking out an overflowing trash can: clean and free from a whole bunch of junk.