Opal and I went swimming yesterday. The storyline, because everything has a storyline, was complex and tangled. Sometimes I was a fisher throwing back Opal the too-small fish. Sometimes we were crabs. Most often, however, Opal was a chipmunk and I was a unicorn. As a unicorn, clearly I had to have a damsel. Opal informed me, “Your damsel is in distress!” My damsel was captured by a dragon.

I hoped that there was some misunderstanding, that my damsel had simply gone off with a dragon or decided to go adventuring or something, but no, she was, in fact, in distress. We had to rescue her from the dragon’s burning castle. Oddly, even though I was possessed of a horn that could turn bad people good, it did not work on dragons, who have to have their brains shredded by chipmunks. Even if the dragon manages to put his brain back in order with glue, he will never make sense again, instead saying only, “Glue.” The best part was that putting out the fire involved lots of kicking and splashing.

Then my silly damsel went and got herself in distress again. I need a new damsel. Must be competent, resourceful, and able to deal with dragons. Ability to get along with chipmunks essential. Send resume and references.