jan_can_too (jan_can_too) wrote,
jan_can_too
jan_can_too

Behind already

It isn’t fair to feel behind already. It’s only 6:28 as I’m typing this. I’ve been up since 4. I’ll be going until late evening. I need to remember that it isn’t a race and that I’m allowed to take actual time to do things.

Not always the easiest task for me.

Part of it is that I don’t like chaos too much. I want to hurry though getting it in order so I can breathe and pretend I’m in control for a while. Part of it is the compulsion to cross things off my list. That’s a dangerous thing. It does make me do things, but it also feeds into my goody-two-shoes, look-at-me, teacher’s pet self. I can easily become addicted to gold stars. Or, looked at another way, I can transform into one of those rats frantically pushing levers because surely the treat will come eventually.

I need to find out whether I can be effective without the panic element, if, when I give up the worry, I do not magically transform into a complete slacker who never gets out of bed. I need to approach the day with a sense of space and patience.

Good luck with that.
Subscribe

  • Dog Days

    Summer is here and the living is… complicated. I had been hoping for lazy times, fruity drinks, time in the sun. Not so much. Because Rick has…

  • End of Spring Reading

    Today is T.R.’s last day of school, so it is time to tally my spring reading. Not the world’s greatest totals this time around, but I have…

  • Book Report: Bitterblue

    A friend of mine was having a birthday, so naturally, I headed for the bookstore. A couple of years ago, she borrowed Graceling from me and loved…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 2 comments