I was relatively peacefully reading my Oprah magazine this morning while I ate my not-entirely successful breakfast of egg over sauteed spinach and leftover roasted beets when I came across an ad for Philip Stein watches. The ad shows a picture of an attractive woman of middle age, successful, well-groomed, confident enough not to worry about the small wrinkles emerging at the corners of her eyes, probably because she has no visible pores and a nearly infinite budget for clothes, facials and massages. She is probably a lawyer, or a retired lawyer, or married to one. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.
But the copy! Across the picture of this lovely and accomplished woman, delicate brown script says: I feel balanced thanks to the natural frequencies.
Natural frequencies? Huh? Excuse me? Are there unnatural frequencies buzzing around me right now, attacking me with their little vibrations and thanking their little stars that I don't have a Philip Stein watch to protect me?
I went to the Philip Stein website. Here is their blurb on the natural frequencies thing. What I found particularly amusing in the copy was that the study subjects were free of psychological and physical issues. They just can't sleep. And double blind placebo blah blah blah, but now I am supposed to buy a watch (available at Nordstrom!) with two dials, one of which is marked half in roman numerals and half in arabic numerals (the one in the picture is not exactly like the one in the magazine...) to make me sleep? And, by the way, who sleeps with a watch on? I only do by accident.
Nope, today I'm going for a different kind of voodoo: the magic hair trim.