September 14th, 2010

Would you like some anxiety with that?

It’s no big secret that I have depression. I take my medication and most of the time it’s no different than having allergies. Some days, however, depression is more like trying to go through a normal day with a 300-pound weight across my shoulders. Those days are few and far between, I’m glad to say. I manage. I am a stubborn and high-functioning depressed person. Most people wouldn’t know it’s an issue.

Yesterday was one of those days. I napped a lot and tried the usual tricks, including exercise, prayer, and “planned pleasant activities.” I gave my rising anxiety Sudoku puzzles to worry instead. And by evening, I was better, enough to go on a date. For bonus points, Brent and I had a really good conversation over dinner that cleared up important things as we look toward the future, a conversation so good that we stayed at the table and talked through the event we were going to see.

So this morning, better, but with the uncomfortable knowledge fresh in my head that depression can jump out and grab me whenever it feels like it, I get email from Kaiser saying that our application was declined. My letter cites my depression as the reason.

In a little while, I’ll calm down and figure out what the next steps are, how to make sure we have coverage of some kind after COBRA runs out, but for the moment I’m angry and sad and frustrated. Also thankful that the news didn’t come yesterday when it would have been harder to cope with it.