March 5th, 2012

Rule 42

Oh, and my shrink is on vacation, too...

So while I am, in general, in favor of facing unpleasant truths, there are times when I’m not really up for the least-tactful expressions of those truths. (You know, like when I’m feeling pretty down anyway and it seems like enough of a challenge to keep breathing…) Well, reality does not usually account for my own personal preferences.

The results from my recent spate of tests at Kaiser sent me a clear message and one I got: lose some weight, eat differently, and hydrate. As I’ve said, I’m reducing my portions and exercising and yes, this month, choosing to drink more water, thanks in part to my lovely friends who voted for what was best for me. I even knew that I was facing a pretty daunting task. Sure, I am muscular, but the fat parts of me are not exactly hiding.

Nonetheless, I was not prepared for the form letter I got from Kaiser the other day. It ran something like this:

Dear Janet: Fat people like you who have more than 40 pounds to lose could take part in our program to blah blah blah and, by the way, you suck. Did we mention that you are fat? And need to lose More Than 40 Pounds?

Some people might be motivated by that kind of letter. They might call and sign up for the program. Me, I decided to curl up into a ball instead. Shame is not my best motivator.

When I uncurled, I took a breath. Yes. I do need to lose more than 40 pounds. But I’m not going to do it by drinking weird pretend foods. I’m going to do it slowly, by building good habits one month at a time. I’m not going to be overwhelmed by all 20 million things that are wrong with me; I’m going to fix the first one, and then the next, and the next after that, patiently. I’m going to keep in mind that I already exercise more than the prescribed amount Kaiser hopes for and that they use BMI as their marker for weight which is not going to be a real measure for me and that I have successfully addicted myself to my bike and small portions.

And, you know, suck my stomach in…