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Life Lessons

So I have to say I really hate it when life teaches me stuff. In theory, I’m all about growth and enlightenment and all that hippie good stuff. Then there are those moments of reality.

T.R. had lulled me into a sense of complacency. He’s been going along on an even keel. And then there was yesterday. It should have been no big deal. I picked the kids up from school and on the way home we talked about our plans for the next couple of days. I asked T. if he wanted to play racquetball last night and he said he’d rather do it today. Syd then said he wanted to go to the gym last night if I’d take him over. Simple enough, and I could either work out for extra bonus points or sit in the hot tub to bubble my way toward my relaxation goals.

Now the deal with T. and going to the gym for swimming or racquetball or whatever has always been that he gets to go after his homework is done. It’s a reasonable limit. The thing is, he stopped paying attention after he said he didn’t want to play racquetball yesterday and so didn’t realize that Syd wanted to go to the gym that very day and not the next day when we were planning to go. We got home and he made pipe cleaner people and played with the dog and ran around until dinner. After dinner, I told Syd I needed a few more minutes to get organized and then I’d take him over to the gym.

T., now realizing that we were going to go without him and wanting to soak in the hot tub, freaked out when I told him he couldn’t come because his homework wasn’t done. It got ugly. That part where I was feeling good about how things were going? Delusion. It was just that I wasn’t having to enforce the limits of things.

In the end, Brent took Syd over to the gym. T. did his homework. I felt horrible and slept poorly and got up irritable this morning. My day is not going well.

Which is to say that life showed me the limits and I’m having a tantrum, much like T.R. See? Those life lessons really suck.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
here_be_dragons
Oct. 16th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
I don't think it's delusion. The fact that you weren't having to enforce the limits of things for some period of time IS progress. :D Hopefully, those periods where things run smoothly will continue to last longer and longer. One breakdown where T.R goes back to bad behavior is definitely not fun, but it doesn't mean that things aren't genuinely better. I have a very similar situation with Connor. There have been times when I really despaired that he would ever be able to act like a decent person, when he and I were fighting almost all the time, when five or six tantrums every day was pretty much "normal" for us. Thankfully, we've gotten through that (I think a variety of factors helped, but mostly right now I think that being on a regular schedule because of school is good for the both of us). He still has tantrums occasionally, and in those moments, sometimes I want to jump off a bridge, because it feels like we're right back where we were when things were so freaking awful. But then he gets over it, and things go back to that even keel we've been on, and it's okay. I know there will be more tantrums, but on the whole, things really are better - and it sounds like they're better for you and T.R., too. Don't let one bad day get you down too much. (Which I know is much easier said than done - I think Connor's tantrums affect me MUCH more than they affect him. He freaks out for a while, but once it's over, he acts like nothing happened. Me? It takes me a while to stop being upset and feeling like everything has gone permanently to hell).

In any case - *hugs* I hope you get to the gym for that hot tub sometime very soon. *more hugs*
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