There is a conservative conspiracy right in the heart of San Francisco and it is controlling my every move. Sure, San Francisco has a reputation as a liberal Mecca, full of lifestyles so alternative most people have never even heard of them, but it’s all lies.

Worse, this conspiracy exerts subliminal pressure in addition to its regular coercive power. Any move in a more liberal direction is heavily discouraged, fined, and, in extreme cases, punished by vigorous re-education.

It’s the traffic signs. They’re out to get me.

Right Lane Only. No Left Turn. How could it be more clear? All down Market Street (and notice the inherent capitalist mentality??) any shift to the left was forbidden. I was being tracked! Only the fear of the authorities kept me from severe civil disobedience (well, that and the increase in insurance premiums and the threat of traffic school).

Eventually, I managed to get home, but I’m probably not even safe here now that I have unmasked this cabal. Eat this message.